The Purpose of Higher Purpose - 5 Steps to Get Fit for the Future
So, bad news and good news, which one do you want me start with?
Coaching Can’t Save You from Who You are…But It can help You Choose Who You Want to Be.
The bad news is there’s no coach nor coaching that can save you from who you are. In other words, only you can change yourself, if you truly want to.
The good news though is that most of what you think you are is changeable and based on your own choice.
Your current level of happiness, the kind of spouse you are to your partner, your leadership style and identity – all of those are the results of your choice. So, the really good news is you can choose who you want to be.
I am now in the room with a client. He was asked to get coaching for himself and his team. Let’s call him Sam. Sam is in his mid-forties. Reasonably ok in his position, but not as successful as he secretly wants to be and what his CEO, not so secretly, would expect from him. He always looks slightly depressed and very pre-occupied with all the other things he should be doing, instead of being with the person whoever he is with in the given moment. His team is a reflection of his style, they all look gloomy and unhappy and very concerned about the latest deadlines. They are all very professional, but not a happy bunch and all the other people around them feel they are not living up to their potential. Sam also has trouble in his private life including a messy divorce. He’s convinced that his personal and professional life has nothing to do with one another. His leadership style conveys the same message, let’s keep it clean and professional, let’s not mess with privacy. His team feels disengaged and complains to HR about how Sam is not paying attention to them. So, what then? Sam tells me he doesn’t want to change. That’s who he is and the world better get used to it. He can move on and find another place where he is more appreciated…
I suggest to him that happiness is actually a choice, he needs to learn how to allow himself to be happier. We also discuss that there is only one Sam, the one at home and the one at work and that he needs to be more aligned and be who he truly is at both places. We talk about how he could “sort through his habits” and choose the ones that serve him well and get rid of those that don’t. All of this is radically new and strange to him. He was raised to do a job and wear a mask at work and go home to be a different human being. He never really admitted to himself that happiness is a choice and he has chosen to be unhappy. Instead he blames the story of his life and the many “demons” in it.
We are now talking about “design and choices”. Designing who he wants to be, what he wants to believe and stand for and ultimately, what skills he needs to have so he can behave in a way which is truly congruent with his intentions… he is getting excited. It can be likened he says to designing the interior space of an apartment. If I want to have great conversations with friends I have to create the space for it… If choose to give more space to a function like the kitchen it will have an effect on the size of the bed room etc.
We agree on going through five key steps for accomplishing these goals. Let me share the steps in a way that can apply to you as well. This is the D.E.A.L™ process we have recently coined.
1. a) D.iscover: Your Higher Purpose
Find someone who can help you discover your Higher Purpose and find your Passion. Don’t wait for life to evolve and postpone the key questions to a future time when you will be more mature to answer. The question you always (secretly) asked yourself “Why Do I do what I do? What am I here for?” deserves an answer and a discovery now.
b) Develop your self-awareness and create integration in your life.
Work on your self-awareness and explore your life story. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s actually something that takes a lot of courage. Integrate your life story and cultural heritage into your life. Learn about managing and integrating different parts of your brain such as the left and right hemispheres; or the reptilian, mammalian and neo-mammalian part of your brain. You need to integrate and connect all the resources that you have available to you.
2. E.mbody the Higher Purpose
Learn how you can find your voice (literarily) and how you can be more inspirational and congruent. You need someone who is an expert at this. Unlearn the labels your parents, school and society put upon you. Stop painting yourself as “ I just doesn’t have the personality for public speaking and presenting” or “I am more of an introvert, I am not good schmoozing with others”.
3. A.chieve - Developing The Right Skill Set to Win (How to action your Purpose)
Read Malcolm Gladwell’s book on the Outliers and Carol Dweck’s book on Mindset. Don’t believe those who tell you that you are either born with it or not… Get help to determine which skills can support you in accomplishing your Purpose and develop them. Surround yourself with people who are complimentary to you. Have a support group of Mentors that you can always turn to.
4. L.asting Legacy
Ask yourself the question: What would make my life worthy? And then think back, where are you now, versus where you would like to be at the end of your life. Realize, it is now or never…there is no time. Don’t kid yourself that you’ll do the things that truly matter to you when you retire.
We need a new DEAL. The Purpose Journey can begin again every day, what sort of Journey Do You Choose to Be On?